Time to Head Up North Again....

I literally blinked and it's full-on Christmas Season 2011. We're half-way thru the Advent Season and I didn't exercise, I didn't cut-back, I didn't create poor Toots that BABY BOOK that her siblings both have and that she doesn't. I didn't get to do a lot of things that I said I'd do this fall.

The sixteen weeks that made up the fabulous fall semester 2011--flew right on by and didn't pause for a second. I'm sitting pretty regarding the Holidays. Presents are mostly shopped for and WRAPPED. Christmas Cards were sent the week after Thanksgiving. Teacher gifts have been distributed. House is 99.9999% decorated. No panic or frantic this year.

This fall there were 2 trips to Chattanooga....and a kickin' weekend in NYC with Bit-Baum. There have been POD visits home, birthdays, and faced-paced-living. We've experienced Broadway shows, a Comedy show and a Country singer show. We've had a lot of laughs. The PODS thrived.

Now it is time to journey North once again. By car, it is 512 miles door to door. Time to gather up the Bit and all her worldly belongings and bring her home. Baby Girl has had a season of GROWTH. She has flapped those proverbial wings. Reentry might be ROUGH.

She'll return more confident and assured than the previously, FEARLESS Woman Warrior that left. We have three semesters left....her and me. There is much to be Thankful for...

Toots and I will start our journey tomorrow...slowly heading into Philadelphia to see Weenie and her sister, Ursula. They want to go to The Olive Garden for lunch. So, to The Olive Garden, we shall go! Then we'll depart and still go further North until we hit Seacaucus, NJ...the site of the Meadowland Stadium, the New York Giants and our very own Embassy Suites. Friday, we'll go to Dobbs Ferry, NY, home of the Master's School and the program called, CITYterm....and fetch the Bit, pack the car up and head back to our hotel next to the stadium.

We'll venture into the CITY...for just 2 more days. We'll see a Broadway show, the glitzy Rockettes, the Rockefeller tree, Central Park, Irene, Fao Schwarz, and we'll have tea at The Plaza. So much to do, so little time. A first time experience for Toots. We plan on stopping in Wilmington, Delaware, to see Juan Don and Sachi. Hug their necks, have a meal? Then it'll be home again, home again, jiggly jig.

Bo will already be home. The HOLIDAYS will officially begin for us. Life is goodly good.

The Relaxing Autumn that Hasn't Begun, yet?

Today is September 13. I always think of my first real boyfriend today because it's his birthday. It doesn't mean anything other than the fact that I have sweet memories of a nice kid. I resist the urge of sending him a BIRTHDAY email because it is creepy and stalker-ish--but in heaven, I hope we're buddies.

A lot has happened since we dropped our son off at his boarding school in Tennessee and I dropped off our daughter at her semester program in NYC. I haven't even had the time to blog about the Road-Trip-to-the-Big-City, moving BIT into her dorm with a boat load of stuff and no AC, seeing Weenie in PHILLY....however, don't worry- BIT HAS HER OWN BLOG...click here: Bit's Blog. She is doing a great job of documenting her adventure of doing CITYterm this fall.

The first week after dropping off Bit, in Dobbs Ferry, NY, I spent the customary 15++hours planning the Girl Scout year ahead of us. This is the sixth year of my being a leader. I am the ADMIN Leader for Troop #1592. I usually take at least 20 hours, on our beach vacation each August to plan the upcoming year--but August was crazy this year, there was no beach vacation, and I did no planning. Our girls are second year JUNIORS (they wear green, still) and they're in the process of earning their BRONZE AWARDS. The pre-cursor award to Silver Award and then the Gold Award. Think Eagle Scout. Think College applications.

I also went back to my PHYSICIAN that first week of NO Bit and Bo. I had the same doctor from ages 21 to 42, whom I loved. Then about 3 years ago, he went to a new program called MDVIP, where they ask you to pay what I consider BIG MOOLA up front, just to be his patient. On his end, he only takes 600 patients, as opposed to 2000, and you get all sorts of great care and his personal cell number for 24/7 care. In other words, my doc is my bitch. Sorry to be crude, but that is what comes to mind. Anyhow, I decided back at age 42 that I was too healthy and I didn't want to pay $1500 a year to have 24/7 access to this doctor that I loved.

Please FLASH FORWARD three years as I return with my tail tucked between my legs, after doing all sorts of dumb things medically and having a TERRIBLE doctor at Duke. Quite possibly having an unnecessary Gall Bladder removal surgery because I was on the quest for the elusive Lap-Band that BCBSNC denied me. I quit therapy cold turkey. I was taking no meds whatsoever. I had needed an upper GI earlier this spring....because blood and guts fill my eyeballs with acid reflux. Ok, ok....I went back to see JEFF.

During my 2 HOUR initial physical, you read that correctly, we determined four immediate issues. 1. I have sustained hearing loss. This came as NO surprise. 2. I am approaching the need for real eye care. The days of using CVS reader glasses are coming to an end because my eyes have deteriorated so fast that I'm approaching 2.5 strength readers and will max out. 3. I need to take my GUT MEDS for a minimum of 60 days. No BS--he said take your medicine. I said, "ok." and 4. It is official--I am ADHD.

No surprise. None at all.

So, I get to take speed. I'm grateful for the little jolt each day. I don't take depression meds or anxiety meds. The speed makes me zippy--I'm only on week 2, so I'm trying to decide if it helps me focus. I'm still a hermit in my cave but it is crushing my hunger and I am getting things done slowly but surely. Bo is MILDLY ADHD and gets to take fab meds to concentrate. Toots is BONAFIDE ADHD. Toots made me a believer. Bear said there was no such thing and I was to never give any of them drugs. So the jury is out on me....I guess I am? But really, I've been this way my whole life--I have strategies that are the fiber of who I am, to deal with how my brain rolls.

I had grandiose visions of organizing my home office, getting my pictures in scrapbooks, BLOGGING constantly, sorting out stuff for goodwill and consignment, converting our PC Quicken to MAC Quicken, EXERCISING and loosing weight, and cooking heart healthy meals. Not so much.

So, I'm waiting for that relaxing cool autumn to enter my reality. I think I'm investing well in Toot's life. She is thoroughly enjoying being the only child. As she knew she would. I take her to her writing skills tutor twice a week for an hour (you thought I was kidding in the camp postcard entry?), I take her to dance, swimming and a weekly riding lesson. We eats TONS of chinese take out and pizza. Yuck. I've forgotten how to use my kitchen AND I certainly don't know how to cook for 2.25 people. 2 of which are on ADHD meds and aren't hungry on weekdays.

This weekend marks Bo being gone a MONTH. On Friday, we'll get up very early and head to Chattanooga for Parent's Weekend activities. #ohboy (that is trending. i trend now. it seems i might begin trending on my blog, too?) I miss my boy. He seems to be thriving. He made the McCallie Crew team. There weren't supposed to be cuts but 45 boys went out for CREW and they cut had to cut 28, BO made it. whew. Bo trained this summer with a trainer for crew. I'm glad those weren't wasted dollars. I think he is really enjoying his classes and has made a friend or two. The roommate stuff hasn't launched well at all....the McCallie adults have recently become involved, so I'm hoping to hear of improvement in that one area.

I'm glad Autumn is upon us. Toots and I have brought down PUMPKIN schla decorations from the attic. I'm ready for the relaxing part to begin.

Camp Merri-Mac 2011

Jesus Calling

From Jesus Calling Devotional by Sarah Young:

Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one-as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father's undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.

When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I do.

amen.

{shared with me today from an old, dear friend. resonates with my heart and soul}

A Dorm Room at McCallie

Moving into McCallie. What a weekend. Intense Freshman Orientation. Done very well. One side of a room, on a hallway, in a gazillion dollar state-of-the-art dorm. The Patriots are being supported in Chattanooga.

Tried to think of everything. But there are still little things that come up.... and one needs to shop. Still on the whole, I did pretty good.

Signing up for classes. Hiding. Countdown till we leave him. No words can be written to describe the countdown or driving away. 446 miles.

My great big paci-boy. Boy to Man in the span of a car ride home.

I never post ghastly pictures that reveal me. ewwww. Saying goodbye. These pix were all taken on a camera phone. I didn't even bring a camera to this 48 hour event. I forgot it at home. Burke was the photographer.

The night before we left him. At the hotel. Me and my mostly, Bo.

Mornings

Before now, I have never spoken of a daily behavior that I've been doing for as long as I can remember.

It seems that when I first begin to gain consciousness each morning, while lying in bed with my eyes sealed shut, I'm still very much in and out of consciousness, when I'm slowly trying to determine how full my bladder is and whether I can continue to lie in bed or make the dreaded shuffle to the loo... the first worldly concepts that I focus on are: Where am I? What day of the week is it? And then I immediately determine if all 3 of my pods are in their beds down the hall? Every single morning, without fail, are our children in their beds?

This might be a curious thing to focus on for some, but in my world, my brain immediately shifts to where are Bit, Bo and Toots? Are they here? If they aren't here, where are they? Because lets face it, there are a lot of comings and goings with children the age of mine.

Obviously, during the school year, when I realize that it is Thursday, I remember that it is a school day and I know they are in their beds. So my mind then immediately thinks, "Glory be, what time is it?" and "How long till they're tardy?"

This entire process takes but a moment, but it happens every day. Every single day.

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We took our son to a boarding school this week. Burke and I drove Bo to Chattanooga, Tennessee, this past Thursday. Bo is starting a new life in a new school. He is going to the McCallie School. We are so proud of him and his decision to go away to school. Bo and 52 other young men comprise the freshman boarding students, in a class of 161 freshman that make up the McCallie class of 2015. We went through a very organized but intense process, by which our son was moved into a beautiful freshman dormitory, registered for classes, planned for his future and then we respectfully took our leave and drove the 446 miles home. As we went through the process we had our decision confirmed over and over again. Bo is where he should be. Bo is on his path to adulthood and I won't be a daily bystander. And it is ok. It is good. It is a God thing.

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I woke up today. I knew I had to pee. I remembered it was Sunday. I wondered what time it was because I felt like I'd been hit by a mack truck. I remembered driving all day yesterday. I remembered dreaming about Spence. My mind turned to counting pods. Bit is here. Toots is here. Bo isn't. Bo isn't going to be here. Wait, a minute, Bo is missing. No, this can't be. I can't account for him at this very moment.

Burke is beside me. I say aloud, "Spence is missing." I think, "oh God, Spence is far away." I am fearful. I want to cry. I wish this wasn't happening. The enemy loves to get me with fear.

Burke replies, "He's not missing. He's just not here. He's in a great place."

My new reality began today. I won't be able to make a daily morning accounting of Bo. My feet will hit the floor each day and I won't know that he is safe and warm and needs to get up and get going. I knew I would blog about Spence's leaving, and his new life. I thought it would be a few pictures of our journey there or a pithy, upbeat entry that was hopeful and happy.

My mornings will be different from now on.

I am going to have to trust in a Heavenly Father that I'm a little untrusting of. I suppose that I'm going to be forced to grow up, to grow in Faith, and to rely on God to protect something that I cherish. My track record isn't so good with desiring a loving relationship with Him. I know this life choice is for me too. I will be grateful. I am grateful.

My mornings will be different from now on.